Crooked HouseDVD - 2018
From the critics
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And these people relish their privacy as much as they relish their money.
Sophia has never been run away with in her life. By a horse or anything else, come to that.
-Charles likes to think he rescued me.
Anything you'd like to tell me?
-Not yet. You see, I read detective stories. And a good detective will take the time to gather evidence and question everyone before solving a case. Because the murderer is never the one you initially suspect.
I drank far too much claret last night. Gives me headaches. Burgundy suits me so much better.
-Well, perhaps you should take an aspirin.
Aspirin? Pah! Hmpf! Hair of the dog, darling. Yeah. Cure evil with evil.
Yes, my little brother is the man, despite having the business sense of a mongoose.
-But you are not in actual need of... Money?
No one in this house is in actual need of money.
-Why on earth would you stay here?
Because that was the deal. Besides, who actually wants to work for a living, Mr. Hayward?
So tell me, how does it work? All of you living in this house together?
-Who told you it works?
Your husband has a very sharp temper.
-Oh, he'd never hurt a fly. Loving your father is quite natural, of course. But this borders on idolatry. Being the favorite child isn't all jam.
Are you done with your interrogation?
-Mm. For today.
Did you find many clues?
-You know, Josephine, the first round of interrogation is not so much about finding clues, as it is about getting a sense of who you're dealing with.
I know lots of things. I listen at doors. People don't pay attention to me in this house. They're way too selfish for that. But I pay attention to them.
May I ask you a blunt question?
-They're the only interesting kind.
What's wrong with people in this house?
-Heh. It is a blunt question indeed.
-Don't be. Passion. It is a hothouse of suppressed passion. This is what happens when the person you love the most in the world, who you would give your life for, is actually the same person that you hate the most.
But if he died intestate, then... Then the primary beneficiary of the will is, of course, the second Mrs. Leonides.
My past? In Cairo. I was a diplomat.
-Of course. And I am a duchess.
Any one of them could have done it. They all had means. They all had opportunity.
Oh. Anger, jealousy, love, greed. Take your pick.
-So no communist, no Las Vegas mafia, no CIA conspiracy?
It's highly likely that when he selected Laurence for the post of tutor to his grandchildren, he was also selecting him as Brenda's... Yes. To keep Brenda happy.
I know you know things. Sometimes people don't know what they know.
When Brenda was first introduced into the household, did it rather upset the apple cart?
-The apple cart remained upright, as I recall. Nor was there any tasting of forbidden fruits, if that's what you're insinuating.
Did you realize then there'd never be any escape from this place until your father-in-law was dead?
-Yes. That exact thought went through my mind.
But now he is.
-So we can.
During the war, he branched out. Bombs. First you destroy a city, then you go in afterwards and rebuild it. I'm not sure the world needs to know about that. That and other things.
-And that's for you to decide, is it?
Yes, it is.
Sometimes I wonder why you bothered to have children at all, Magda. Soon as they were born, you were off to repertory in the remotest provincial theater you could find.
What are murderers like?
-Well, um, you. And me. Everyone. Hot-blooded. Cold-blooded. They do share one or two traits. Vanity. A distorted morality. A lack of empathy. And murderers tend to feel that they are above the rules and laws that govern ordinary mortals.
Heh. Well, that description fits every member of this family.
Surely we don't need a PI in the house for us all to tell each other the truth.
There's nothing like a real heart-to-heart.
-Assuming one could find any real hearts under this roof.
You know, Charles, they're trained combat dogs. They could kill you in an instant if they really wanted to.
Like the rest of us, they like you.
You are an extremely clever woman. And you are a de Haviland. I have seen what it takes to operate at a certain level, and it is not always pretty. So I want you to remember that lineage will help you find what's most important in life. A sense of balance.
Grandfather always said fortunes don't last if they get split between the weak members of a family. They should be concentrated in the hands of the strong.
These vampires. They set us up because we're not part of their world. … We never stood a chance against them.
The evidence is almost entirely circumstantial.
-Usually is in a murder case. A lot depends on the impression they make on the jury.
Why on earth would we want to poison a nice old woman who had never done us harm?
-Perhaps she wasn't the intended target.
Well, now is the time for Holmes to enlighten not only Watson, but Lestrade.
-I shan't tell the police anything. They're stupid.
I dare say you are extremely clever. It won't be much good to you if you're not alive long enough to enjoy the fact. Don't you understand, you foolish child, that so long as you insist on keeping your little secrets, you put yourself in imminent danger?
-Of course I do. But in some books, person after person is killed. And you end by spotting the murderer because he or she is practically the only person left. We must wait and see what happens next.
He thought she was beautiful and gracious. But he said there was no point in me having any more ballet lessons because I would never be good enough or gracious enough. He said it wasn't so much swan lake as duck pond.
I hate stupid people. "They're useless, apart from dying during wars" like grandpapa used to say.
Coarse Language: A few occasions of taking the Lord's name in vain, one unmannerly reference to screwing someone.
Frightening or Intense Scenes: Younger children may be frightened or disturbed by the identity of the killer.
Sexual Content: Kissing. Some revealing clothing worn by women. Suggestion of an extramarital affair. Sexual comments/references.